My Detailed Notes from the first 4 days at Tony Robbins Date with Destiny!
Updated: Nov 20, 2019
In December of 2016 I finally went to the Date With Destiny event that Tony Robbins puts on every December. It forever changed my life and it is where I came up with my life purpose. I’m going to make a series of blog posts from my visit to that incredible event. It is amazing all of the material that was covered in just a couple of days but it was forever life changing and I hope by studying my notes you will gain some new insight into why you need to attend the event and how you can shape your life and your destiny.
My new life purpose- “THE PURPOSE OF MY LIFE IS TO SHARE MY TREMENDOUS LOVE WITH ALL OF GOD’S CHILDREN. BRINGING HAPPINESS TO OTHERS THROUGH MY PLAYFUL SOUL AND BY BEING AN EXAMPLE OF LIVING AN EXTRAORDINARY LIFE”
Date with Destiny Notes Day 1- Part 1
- Your brain doesn’t exist to make us happy, it exists to help us survive. Therefore we are wired to look for what’s wrong so that we can fix it.
- Any time that we want a change it’s cause we want to experience a new set of feelings or emotions
I. 2 Master skills of Life
1. The science of achievement
- We are so used to abundance that we find security in our abundance
· Everything in this life happens for me, not to me.
2. The Art of Fulfillment- (LOVE)
- When your life expectations or conditions match or exceed what you expected, you are happy. Not sustainable!!!
II. The 3 most stressful thoughts I have
1. 2. 3.
** “Success without fulfillment is the ultimate failure” – Example of Robin Williams
- Sometimes we don’t have any real problems so we create them
- All of our pain comes from the thoughts in our mind
- These bad thoughts aren’t original, they come from a mind designed to just keep us alive
- Lunatic- Means a crazy person that thinks we can go to the moon- (We went)
- Like a T.V. we can change our state and therefore our minds and emotions
· The worst kind of “poor” to have is energy poor because it causes everything else to break down
III. Rules of the Event
1. Complete honesty
2. Max peaks of energy
- It’s ok to be broken or uncertain because when we are uncertain our brain searches and forms new patterns
- The biggest problem we have is thinking that we don’t have any problems
“The only people without problems are dead, so if you don’t have any problems pray for some. That’s what gives us life.”
**You get better quality problems by giving up your addiction to your old ones.**
IV. 2 Core Fears
1. We are not enough
2. I won’t be loved
- We blame others cause otherwise something is wrong with us, so we project it onto someone else.
- We NEED to feel significant and most people are too afraid to do something significant that’s good, so we try and feel significant doing something bad.
a. We build a problem or say it’s coming in the future because it can’t be doubted
b. People use the “spiritual” to feel significant because you can’t measure it
- I’m not my brain, I have to run my brain so that it doesn’t run me.
**Train your brain you aren’t here to negotiate! When I say something, we F#*@ing go!
- You can train your brain to listen to you but you have to learn to leave your problems.
- Your destiny is to reconnect to your essence. Heart and soul, not your mind.
a. The mind always wants something and has commentary and judgement
- If a woman can control a man, she can’t love him. – Sustain passion.
*Q. How do you achieve something??? This easy- GET OBSESSED!!!
V. 3 Forces of creation
1. FOCUS- The power of absolute clarity and commitment
- You must focus on what you want tho, not what you don’t want
A. RAS- part of your brain that teaches you what to notice
- You gotta know why you want it and your RAS will find the pieces and put it together
- This gives you the energy
2. TAKE MASSIVE ACTION
- This is the cure all
- Must have effective execution
- The connection to something above you, an appreciation for all things you didn’t create that helped guide you
A. The more you acknowledge grace, the more you’ll get it in your life.
*Fulfillment is harder because it is an art, achievement is a science
VI. To be fulfilled
1. You must grow- all relationships either grow or die
*One word to describe happiness= progress
- Growing causes us happiness
2. Giving creates even more fulfillment
**You have to grow so that you have more to give!
Q. What is it that is stopping you from giving love in an intimate relationship?
- Not your beliefs, they are not unique
*Women DO NOT want a pleaser!
- Women want a guy with a back bone- A guy with his own center so strong that she feels pulled to him.
- You need polarity and attraction or you won’t feel alive.
* We settle for a lap dog because it is a comfort, a drug to mask what we truly want.
- Remember that the other person isn’t happy in this scenario either cause they know
- We are all so afraid of change. Change is coming! We need to focus on progress
*Your love story doesn’t matter how it started, it only matters how it ends
STORY- If you watched a movie and the main character started happy and then an hour later he was still all happy, it would be the worst movie ever! THIS IS YOUR LIFE, the problems make it interesting. Just get better problems that make it a better story!
- You can’t avoid pain, you either live it and feel it or it grows. Kill the monster while it’s little before it becomes Godzilla destroying your city
- Cut off the limb and move on
- If you settle for predictability you will be dead inside
**Who you pick is 80% of a relationship**
- Everyone has a story, divorce your bullshit story!
A. Your freedom begins the second you leave behind your bullshit story why you don’t have it.
B. You get what you tolerate within yourself
Note- Tony just made a woman get up and ask out 3 guys to demonstrate that you always need to take action NOW when you make a decision.
Q. What truth will set you free??? I will no longer negotiate with my brain, when I say something, it is.
CREATING AN EXTRAORDINARY QUALITY OF LIFE
1. Why did you come here? What do you want to get out of this program?
2. What’s great right now?
3. What does an extraordinary life look like for you?
4. What’s missing?
5. What’s prevented you in the past? What stressful thought has been holding you back? What’s bullshit about that?
6. What needs to shift inside you? How would you feel?
*The quality of your life is controlled by the amount of uncertainty you can comfortably live with
A. If you can’t have uncertainty, you can’t grow
- Most people that try to control everything experience the most life when they lose control.
- Whatever you are most associated with most presents itself
- If your ideals are causing you pain, but they are an excuse, you need to change your ideals
VII. 3 Principles of Instant Transformation
1. Anything that you resist, persists
2. Fighting with reality guarantees pain. The pain cannot be changed.
3. If you allow anything to be exactly as is
“When you hit a goal and feel like it isn’t enough, that’s the world helping you to continue to grow”
- If you give a gift and you are angry then it isn’t a gift
*Showing love intellectually and expressing it are totally different things and people will feel it.
- Execution trumps knowledge always
- If you say you love someone but don’t know what they desire, you don’t love them.
Q. Ask, “What is it I am missing about ______ because of the story we have about them?
- What is beautiful about this person?
- See how your BS is just exaggerated and go experience these people fresh
*Discipline weighs pounds, regret weighs tons
- Most people stay in their mind, the key is to get into your heart
A. The mind is a weak substitute for your being/ soul/ essence
- Slow down and notice what you aren’t noticing and everything will change
- High achievers love to control stuff…. The most powerful thing you can control is the MEANING
-- Meaning = Emotion
a. Rules control the meaning
b. We suffer because of the meaning that we give facts
c. Divorce the story, marry the deeper truth
* The quality of life is the quality of your feelings/ emotions
1. What’s an area of your life where you are really happy/ pleased?
2. Why are you so happy in this area?
· When your present life conditions match your core expectations, you will experience happiness in that area of your life
1. What’s an area of your life you’re not happy with?
2. Why does this area give you pain?
FORMULA FOR SUFFERING
When you believe that you are powerless to change the life conditions and make them part of your blueprint.
- No problem is permanent, only my soul is permanent
II. Pain provides 3 choices
1. Ignore and blame
a. Problem with blaming is that it doesn’t change
b. Blaming yourself will only assure that nothing wil change because of the shame
2. Change your life conditions
a. 3 things that cause suffering
- Less of
**Learn to lean into the pain! It’s there to help us
3. Change your blueprint
· Whenever everything goes wrong and you feel like it’s all your fault, ask yourself, “What else could this mean?”
- The human mind often comes up with the worst meaning and so we look for blame.. But that will never help us feel more love.
- You gotta put your own mask on first
*The worst thing you’ve ever done was because those were your beliefs in that moment.. You’re innocent!
- If anyone hurts another human being it is because they are suffering
THE 6 HUMAN NEEDS
1. CERAINTY- comfort
a. It’s a survival instinct
b. If this is your biggest need, you tend to live a small life so that nothing changes
c. “Nothing works and ever will” – Meets certainty need
**You will leave morals, values, etc.. to meet your needs**
2. UNCERTAINTY- variety
Ex. New goal, new problem
Q. Are you meeting your needs in a positive or a negative way
*If anything you believe, do, say, or feel meets 3 or more of the human needs you will become addicted to it.
- To feel unique, important, special, and needed
- Our life is controlled by the way we shape our needs
4. LOVE AND CONNECTION
- Lots of people settle for connection because they’ve been burned by love
These are the 4 needs that are your personality
These 2 below are your spirit
Q. What is one thing that you have done that you don’t want anyone else to know?
- Why must you and will you let it go tonight?
- Who will it benefit?
III. Ho Opophono Prayer
I LOVE YOU
PLEASE FORGIVE ME
THE POWER OF HAPPINESS
1. Decision #1- Live in a beautiful state every day no matter what.
2. Decisions #2- Reclaim my new identity
- I am not the mind!! I am soul, spirit, essence, and source. The divine is in all of us
3. Daily practice- The gift of active mediation
“ I will not let one moment of my life live in suffering!”
- Our whole lives are controlled by the emotions we feel
I. 9 elements of influence
A. Body- states
B. Mind- Blueprint
C. Spirit- Stages of spiritual development
1. The Mind
- Fuel of choice (Emotions) – Guiding force (Your map or rule book) - Driving force (6 Human needs)
- You gotta know both where you are and where you wanna go
Q. How do you see things?
- The key is to become flexible
- You can change your behaviors simply by just conditioning them.
- You have to change what creates a behavior, the feeling/ emotion
II. 3 Spheres of Influence
1. My spheres as they are now
3. Problems I see…
4. Where do these spheres need to be to change your life forever?
*Feminine women need attention AFT
- Where there’s a chance for love and connection, go there
- Nothing will help you grow more, if you play all out, than a romantic relationship
- The more we measure significance, the less we usually feel it
- The more complex you make something, the less likely you’ll do it
* We don’t live our lives, we live the story of our lives
***Change your story, change your life!***
- You get to write the story for your own life!
III. 7 Elements of a story
1. Desire- creates the story line
- Your greatest desire is creating what is your life
2. Problem/ Need- This week is designed to find this and fix it
3. Opponent- Conflict- Makes the story interesting
5. Battle- Purpose of the battle is to grow and move past them
7. Equillibrium- You are changed
· Life will never be the same again!
*Make your life a symphony of love
- Mr. Hollands Opus- He was chasing significance but by God’s grace he got it by his love and contribution to 100’s of kids
Q. What kind of movie is my story?
Q. What role do I play?
Q. Who are the opponents? What is the fight?
_ Describe my title_ “A man that pursued ______ and discovered __________.
Victor or Victim?
n Up to now, what are the primary emotions that have driven me?
Q. What emotions have driven me the most?
- If you were to describe a new story for the rest of your life….
Q. What role do I play?
Q. What are the primary emotions that drive me?
Q What do I battle?
- Most important questions-
Q. What emotions would drive me???
Q. What movies currently touch you emotionally and why?
- Shawshank Redemption
Insights I just had
1. When people are speaking, Tony give them time to tell their story, even when at times it feels like they need to be cut off
2. Tony takes time to celebrate wins with people
3. Tony always gets their name and where they are from, get more info you understand someone better
4. He always smiles
5. Time is not an issue at a Tony Robbins seminar, there is genius in this. He lets the event take its own schedule
**An extraordinary life is one full of extraordinary emotions.
- Courage isn’t a lack of fear, it’s having fear but doing it anyways
- Whatever you attach “I am” to with enough energy and repetition we will become
- The strongest force in the human personality is to stay consistent with who we define ourselves to be
- About every 5-7 years we will have a questioning period
A. After questioning 1 of 2 things happens:
1. You’ll stay committed
2. You’ll say “no, I want change!”
- In order to change you have to expand your identity, you do this by violating your old identity
- Big difference between “I am determined” and “I am determination!”
*Every leader loves when the odds are against them, it’s when they get a chance to step up
-- 3 Key questions—
1. What’s my result?
2. What’s my purpose?
3. What’s my massive action plan?
- Your unconscious is your first response without interference
- Your primary question has beliefs of extreme consequence
A. For Tony he linked death to not making something better
- Try and think of what happened in my past that has driven me to be the way that I am- It is usually a combination of pleasure and pain
Q. What do you believe about your primary question?
- Use a preseposition, example “ How can I appreciate even more…”
- Whenever you are extremely stressed you feel like you aren’t meeting the answer to your primary question
(If I don’t accomplish things I won’t be loved- my question comes from this thought… )
- If you have a lousy primary question you will always be in pain
- My question has driven me to do a lot so I need to fix it, enhance it, but not completely change it
- Girls don’t want you to fix shit, they want you to go through it with them
- Pain and suffering are not the same
- Take a metals test (Tony almost died)
**What we focus on we feel**
- Your primary question determines what we focus on the most
- If scarcity is inside of you, you will create it
*To eliminate scarcity, you give BEFORE you are capable
A. Teaches your brain that there is more than enough
- To see if someone cares, see where their feet go, not their mouth
I. What is your level of consciousness?
4. Egocentric- care about yourself
3. Ethnocentric- Care about people who are like me or can give me pain and pleasure
2. World centric- Care about everyone
1. Spirit centric- Care about all living things
- Women are hard wired to get there more rapidly
8 Levels of Consicousness
A. Level 1- Survival/ Instinct driven
- In a baby, all about stimulus and response
B. Level 2- Tribal Order- Safety
- How do I be safe?
- Thinks safety comes from being in a group or tribe
- Believe in a leader, story teller, worship the Gods, please the Gods, and rituals
II. Chemistry of Transformation
1. Satiation- Maybe nothing wrong, but by doing it over and over it now doesn’t fulfill you
“Must be a better way of living”
- Feels bad
3. Emotional threshold
4. A moment of insight
“I thought it was ____, it was me”
5. The Opening: Claim your true identity
- Fear of the unknown keeps you from jumping through
C. Level 3- Power God
- Focused on getting whatever they want and don’t care about others.
- They are this way because they don’t get consequences
- Powered by significance
D. Level 4- Order and the absolute
- Delaying what you get today, so you can get what you want in the here after.
- All based on rules- violate them and go to hell, follow them and go to heaven
1. No negotiating
2. Strong religious beliefs- extremes
“I am one of the chosen ones”
a. There’s a story there to make you feel certain and significant
**People leave this level when they say, “There’s more to my life then all of these rules and how to live” **
b. You aren’t the main person in control of your life- A prophet/ pope/ etc..
E. Level 5- Striver- driver/ Achiever
- Life is about serving yourself and others
- You find your own rules, not those of a church or religion
- Science and business- you try things to see what are the right ways
F. Level 6- Socially conscious
- Very worried about the planet, what we are doing to it.
- Think all problems come from hierchy, all people in power are abusing those below them
· Every level is right in certain situations
*Highest level is to switch to the appropriate level that calls for that particular situation
- Most people don’t shift because they have a certainty of this they are comfortable with
- Most people don’t look for the right situation, they try to make what they have work
G. Level 7- Integrated/ Flex flow
- We get frustrated when we think we can eliminate any part of the chain
- We need hierchy
- What is good for everything
- Knows there is a time for all the other levels
**In life- We all should value a worthy opponent**
- The greatest stories all go from enslaved to freedom
a. They also have a really cool opponent
b. The stronger the bad guy, the more great the hero in the story
“When you run into someone that can totally F with you, realize, “Ah a worthy opponent!”- Embrace them
G. Level 8- An awakened soul- Everything is perfect, even the problems are perfect
- Our adversary is our angel because it helps us see it isn’t them, it’s me
- The only way to get self-esteem is to do something super hard and you feel it.
*Problems need energy to live
- Because I’ve loaded my brain with so much info, when I write a verbal check, it goes through
- All suffering comes from focusing on yourself and what you want
- Your enemy is your advocate, search for it
- Sometimes we act in a way that is “culturally appropriate” but it’s not better.. Better is to love, appreciation of all people in our lives.
Q. How many times have you not been your best and what would have you done to have someone say, “I love you and your drive..”
- The controlling force of every action you take has to do with 2 things: 1. Your beliefs 2. Values
- Values are emotional states that we believe are most important for us to either experience or avoid.
1. Emotional states you want more of:
2. Emotional states we avoid:
- Avoiding pain is a survival instinct
- Rules in western culture make it really easy to fail and really hard to succeed
*I can be the influence that changes millions of lives, but not if I don’t become who I need to be
- When we suffer, often times we want others to suffer so that they can understand us even on a subconscious level.
- If you do what’s tough, you’ll get stronger and stronger
**As bad as any situation is, we can intensify them and make them 100 times worse by the words and language we use.
A. If you get really sad or angry, the other person wins. And I will not let the other person win after what they did to me.
B. –The words we attach to our experiences (metaphors even worse) become our reality and make them much worse.
*You wanna really be an achiever, find extacy in it when it really sucks!
- Your screwed up thoughts are not yours! They are not unique.. Millions have it! Deduce it and the significance of it is gone.
- Help people change their shitty story, no matter how bad, and replace it with a new story and new way to feed the significance need.
I. Goal Setting
1. things and stuff
3. Legacy- Wealth and assets, what you will leave behind
- Poor people think a big house and red Ferrari will make them happy, rich people see these things as a reminder of who they had to become to get these things!
Q. What kind of a person will I need to become to achieve these goals?
*No matter what you have going on good, if the intimate relationship isn’t there, you’ll have a gaping hole.
- There are people that you just aren’t matched up with, but it always starts with you
- If you go into the mind in a relationship you are F’d
- The scariest relationship is the most difficult sometimes because you grow the most
- 2 people living in great states will always thrive
- If you get to and stay in a beautiful state, you will have no problem attracting and keeping someone in the same state
- Know less, be more curious
- Forget what you’ve been conditioned to believe
- Put yourself in a peak state and even if you are with the wrong person you’ll have a great life. And you will know eventually with certainty that you are with the wrong person
- NOTHING is more peaceful than love
A. Love is also not enough
*What makes a relationship work is things in common, what makes it passionate are the differences
- What makes a relationship end isn’t lack of love, lack of polarity
a. Polarity is the most important thing in a passionate relationship.
- Everybody is innocent! Blame keeps us from solving things. It’s the mind looking for a reason.
- Going to a feminine state as a guy will never get you the results you desire!
- Trying to protect the other person will always kill the polarity
Example- How many girls fantasized about being taken by a bad man
Tony is unapologetic
I. 3 messages women have about sex
1. Moral message- “If you’ve had more sex than your man you are a whore”
2. Medical message- You have to be careful or you can get a disease or get pregnant
- The message is to stay a virgin but this isn’t the reality of how people live
3. Media message- You need to look like an unrealistic figure. If you don’t match those, you aren’t beautiful.
*Most females have so much conditioning around sex that they don’t feel good about sex like men do.
- We live in a world that’s never existed before
- Hard wired in ladies to have a man take care of her
- Women want a man that makes a decision
- Today’s “great warrior” is the equivalent of the guy with $$$
- It’s not how a person looks, it is their radiance- culture tells them otherwise
- Care taking destroys passion
- Women fantasize about being “taken” because they can justify past the cultural conditioning that it wasn’t their fault
- As life happens to a woman they can tighten up, becoming more masculine, therefore losing attractiveness to men.
- Men will do anything for a woman who is “free” and let them feel that energy
- That’s why a beautiful state is the most attractive thing
- Guys want a woman to need them
A. Let boys be boys, it’s their nature
- Most men have mistakenly become pleasers in their relationships!
- Men will die for praise
- Women always feel afraid because they are the prey of men
- Women try to control men out of fear
- Women choose a safe guy sometimes cause they don’t feel safe, but they will grow dead of him cause they know if he’s controllable, then another woman can control him too
- Big difference between being masculine and feeling it in your essense vs wearing a mask
*it’s always best to honor what you really feel because that is you taking away the conditioning
- Love trusts a higher power
- You were made to own your life, not just manage it
Q. Do you manage your circumstances or are you the creator of your life?
- If we are around anything long enough we take it for granted
a. We often times don’t value something til it’s taken away
- A man in charge is a beautiful man
- Life rewards us when we make the tough decisions. The decisions 85% of people don’t take
*Knowing your purpose and where they are going is what make masculine energy strong. IF you don’t know, it’s like kryptonite
*Be king of your world, that’s all that matters
- Masculine energy grows by challenge
*Feminine energy grows by praise
- If a man bends to a womans coaching him, it’s a bad thing
a. Men don’t want coaching, they want love
- Energetically war are a different species
a. You were born with a specific energy and if you aren’t acting that way you won’t feel fulfilled
- There’s no certainty in life, just choices… Make one and go for it!
- The feminine is enhanced by the senses- changing clothes, music, getting all dolled up
-- No progress inside your comfort zone so get outside of it if you want to grow. When we grow we feel alive!
- Ok to have both energies for the moment, but the masculine needs to lead
- Confusion means you are about to learn something
- Character is just a habit, what we do most
- The minute we let expectations into the mind it screws up the love
- It’s our job to meet the needs of the other person and if we do they won’t go anywhere else
*The purpose of a relationship is to magnify human emotion
A. you magnify the state you are in
- If you enter a relationship to get something you will have fear, if you are in it to give you will discover your essence
- If you start measuring what you are getting you are screwed
*Give so much that your partner becomes a raving fan
- You do this by doing whatever you can to light them up
- Know about their needs, who they are, and blow them away don’t just meet them
- If you meet all their needs and after 6 months they don’t reciprocate, then you know you just got the wrong one.
*The real key is to write down what kind of person you need to be so that person can’t live without you
*Key #2- Know what they really want. Their desires, fears, needs, values, rules, etc..
*Key #3- Give them what they really want and desire. Find new ways to please them and do this
-- If someone fills you with love and passion you won’t leave them
- Being a leader means you go first, don’t wait for your partner to do any of this
II. Where does selection come from?
3. Convenience/ consistency
- Everyone has several personalities… Figure out which one you like and bring it out
- Tony gives each personality a name so he knows who he is dealing with
**Control, love, and passion cannot go together**
There are several more pages of notes but I don’t want to give away the entire seminar… I encourage you to go to the event if you want to get the rest! Thank you!
Tony's personal website is here: https://www.tonyrobbins.com