"You're Not Good Enough"
This was the message I heard, this is what I focused on.
When I was 14 years old and in 8th grade I was faced with a super difficult decision to make. I wasn't very good at baseball yet baseball was my life. I had just been cut from the all star team that kept 15 kids my age. Only 6-7 my age would make the high school team.
My dad had what he thought was a great idea to help me grow, get stronger, and become a star on the high school baseball team. I could get held back a year. A few kids out in Tooele had done it and they became state MVP's. I do believe no that he had my best interest in mind.
Problem was, I loved my friends, I was already one of the oldest kids in my grade and one of the smartest kids. I didn't want to get held back.
One day he finally told me, "You need to decide now, are you going to get held back?" I told him no. This next part of the story is tough for many to understand, but again, baseball was my life and I can understand why my dad wanted me to get held back. He looked me in the eyes and said, "Just so you know, if you don't, you're not good enough to play high school, you'll never play again."
I decided to use this as my motivation. "I'll show him!!!!" And I did. I went home that day and wrote underneath my orange and black Murray hat, "You're Not Good Enough" and for the next 3 years that stared at me in the face every time I took the baseball field.
This is the crazy part.... It worked. I was motivated. I made the team, started and was one of the top 2 hitters on the team my senior year. Memories of a lifetime. Didn't think of my hat again for 17-18 years.
I was doing a plant medicine journey on Dec 7 2018 and halfway through the night I saw this hat. Now being an adult and understanding affirmations and the power of words, the second I saw it I thought, "What have I done!?" In that moment so much of my own behaviors and personality made sense to me.
This is why I always tried to win everything. Why I wanted to be the best at everything I did. Why I was obsessed with being the best missionary, best realtor in Utah, and why I wanted the world to see all the beautiful ladies I was dating and the crazy experiences I was having.
What was really happening was my inner child screaming, "I promise I'm good enough! Look at what I just did!"
What happened next forever changed my life and I'll never forget it. A little voice came to me and said, "This has served you, it no longer does. It's time to let it go." What a BEAUTIFUL message! It didn't say it never served me, it said it no longer serves me. Then it said, "You're dad carries a lot of shame over this too, go release him. Keep in mind this was my first ever night experiencing psychedelics and I don't recommend calling your super Mormon dad in that state but I knew what I needed to do and say.
I called him, we had a beautiful talk and I will say healed a huge wound that day for both of us.
Tony Robbins talks often that the two biggest fears we have are that:
1. We aren't lovable
2. We aren't good enough
We all have these fears. I just decided to pour gasoline on mine during the most pivotal time of my brains development.
Since that moment almost 4 years ago I have had a new feeling of peace around just being me. Not needing to prove that I am lovable I have been able to strive and accomplish out of love and no longer from a place of fear.
Last weekend at my mens retreat with We Are The They I decided to pass out a special limited Orange and Black hat to each of the men that I hand wrote on each one, "You're Good Enough."
My hope is that any time you see our logo on one of these special orange and black WATT hats, you will know that you don't have to prove that you are good enough. You already are.