This is a difficult post to even talk about. I went back-and-forth multiple times if I should even discuss the topic.
Ultimately I felt like I had some information that could be helpful to somebody else one day, so it's worth sharing...
I saw yesterday on social media a Utah man had been killed in a road rage incident.
There are still a lot of details to come out, so I don't want to go into it too much. The only facts that we know are the man that killed was a father of three children and, by all accounts, seems to be a great man.
We also know that in a devastating lack of judgment that any of us could have fallen to, he got into a road rage incident that cost him his life.
Another man had cut him off multiple times on the freeway, so they motioned to get off the freeway to confront each other.
Once parked, the man that got shot approached the other vehicle and slammed his windshield.
The other man pulled a gun and, as the father of three tried to take the gun from him, the other driver pulled away and shot him once in the chest, killing him.
This is a tragedy in every sense of the word.
Two lives were ruined in a moment of rage, and hundreds of other lives were forever affected for the worse.
Several years ago, I began training to go undercover with Operation Underground Railroad.
We took extensive training multiple times per week to learn Krav Maga. This form of fighting is different from martial arts because it's basically doing whatever you can to end the fight and go home to your family.
The first rule they ever taught us was if there is any way possible to avoid the fight, avoid the fight... The only reason to learn how to fight it is so that you never have to.
I heard a video recently by Brad Lea, a friend of mine that is a social media influencer.
He was talking about a time he was at a club and some men disrespected the woman he was with, his wife.
Most bros would think he needed to defend her honor no matter what... He talked about how stupid this was and how he just ignored them and went home.
The video is worth a watch.
What Brad understood is the reason for me making this post in the first place.
As I want my friends and the men around me in my life to understand that sometimes our egos are going to pick fights that our bodies can't manage.
In the video, he talked about this, "what is the point of fighting these guys? So they can kill me or put me in the hospital and now nobody will be there for the next 20 or 50 years to take care of my wife and kids?"
This video was the first thing I thought of when I heard about the road rage incident. It forever changed my own views on the topic.
Between the Krav Maga training and this lesson from Brad, I realize that my job as a provider and a protector isn't to get into fights that I can avoid.
Of course, there are times when you will need to fight. Times when you will not be able to back down, where those that you love will need you to fight with everything you have. And then there are times when you get cut off on the freeway and want to confront a random stranger.
I don't want to blame this man... I don't want to paint a picture of him being out of control. But if we're not willing to look at this incident and break it down a little bit, it's sure to repeat itself. Somebody reading this is going to learn a lesson that could save their life.
I think this Utah man probably would want his story to be a warning and an example to other people.
So that the terrible ending to his life isn't in vain.
I don't think I've ever made a good decision when I am emotional in the moment.
One of the most important lessons I've learned over the last ten years is not being reactionary to whatever happens around me.
When I have a bad moment, it's usually when I forget this lesson.
I've been teaching the men I coach a lot about breathwork and how to ground yourself into your body... How to be present in the moment and not let your emotions take over.
In his amazing book, "Man's Search For Meaning," Victor Frankel says...
"Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom."
I'm terribly sad for this man.
For both of these men...
The other man will probably spend a good portion of his life in prison because of the same incident.
Two men were probably having an off day... Needing to take a breath.
Instead, this tragedy took place.
I hope I don't come off as insensitive by sharing this.
But I also hope that there are lessons that we can all learn that can help somebody a year, five years, or ten years down the line...
Such a tragedy that didn't need to happen.